A Heady Tale
All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
Well, I have to confess that I didn't get this story from Daniel's Diaries. Our poor anthropologist was far too embarrassed to write about his plight. However, Jack O'Neill was only too happy to recount the tale after a couple of beers late one night!
Oh yes, warnings. Well this must take place between Show and Tell and Out of Mind, but there aren't any spoilers for either. It simply explains what may have happened to explain the physical changes that take place in between!
Thanks to Yum@ for the inspiration for a hair-raising story and to my two young sons without whom my experience of 'medicated' shampoo wouldn't be the same. Oh and of course, to both Michael and Hamlet!
"For crying out loud," Jack exclaimed as he watched Daniel across the briefing room table. "Will you stop doing that!"
"Stop doing what?" Daniel asked his expression both one of innocence and hurt.
"That head scratching thing. You've been doing it ever since we came back from P2X712."
Daniel moved his hand self-consciously away from his head. "Sorry. I think maybe I've developed an allergy to my shampoo."
"You don't say!" Jack retorted, returning his attention to General Hammond and the briefing.
An hour later, SG1 was dismissed. By that time Daniel was virtually sitting on his hands to stop himself scratching. Several times during the briefing Jack had shot him a look that clearly said, 'You're doing it again'.
As Daniel rose to leave, Sam Carter caught his arm. "Do you have a minute, Daniel?"
Sam led him to one side of the room, clearly waiting until the others had gone. "Bend down," she ordered, when the room was finally clear.
"Bend down. I want to check your hair."
Obediently bending, Daniel asked, "Check it for what?"
"Remember that girl on P2X712," Sam replied as she began to part Daniel's hair and scrutinise his scalp. "The one that wouldn't leave you alone."
"Yes..." Daniel's reply was cautious. He'd already had a tongue lashing from O'Neill about the incident, despite the fact he had done absolutely nothing to encourage her. Despite the fact, he reminded himself, that the inhabitants of P2X712 knew nothing of personal hygiene and that the smell of her had nearly made him sick.
"And remember how she insisted on hugging you? Ugghh!" Sam stepped away from Daniel abruptly.
"You have guests," Sam said. "Or as Jack would put it. Big ugly honking guests."
"Daniel you have head lice. You'd better get down to the infirmary straightaway."
"Fascinating!" Dr Frasier was peering into Daniel's hair. "I've never seen lice like it."
"Janet please!" Daniel whined. "While I admire your scientific curiosity, would you just give me something to get rid of them?"
Janet smiled sweetly at him. "Sure. I've got a medicated shampoo that should do the trick. But I want you to stay in the infirmary until it takes effect." Daniel opened his mouth to protest, but Janet was too quick for him. "In isolation, Daniel. If one of these creatures gets off the base we could have America's teachers rioting on our doorstep!"
Daniel sighed. "Are you sure none of the others have them?"
"Absolutely!" Janet gave Daniel a matronly look. "Teal'c would hardly suffer, and both Sam and Colonel O'Neill have short hair. The thing is, Daniel, headlice jump much easier to hosts with long hair. That's why girls tend to suffer more..."
"Girls!" Daniel spluttered. "Are you saying I look like a girl?"
Janet smiled sweetly as she did an about turn to her medicine locker. "Of course not, Dr Jackson. However, you could hardly call that haircut military could you?" She turned back and presented him with the shampoo. "Cover your hair thoroughly and then leave it to dry naturally." She glanced at her watch and then up at Daniel's thick hair. "I'll be back in two hours."
Daniel sat in Janet's chair looking glum as she painstakingly combed through his hair, gleefully counting dead animals. "That makes 25 in all. Quite a population."
"Can I go now?" Daniel asked plaintively.
"Yes, Doctor. But report back to me first thing tomorrow. The lotion worked on the adults, but I can't be sure it got all the eggs."
Daniel turned pale. "Eggs?"
"Biology isn't your strong point is it?" Janet laughed. As Daniel rose to go, Janet turned to him with a wicked glint. "And Daniel, don't wash your hair until after I've seen you." She turned around abruptly before she burst into laughter at the appalled look on Daniel's face.
Daniel joined Jack, Sam and Teal'c in the lab where they were experimenting with a new remote controlled reconnaissance plane.
As Daniel approached, Jack wrinkled his nose. "What's that smell? Carter, have we got an oil leak or something. Smells like..." Abruptly Jack turned towards Daniel. "Daniel? You smell worse than my dog!"
Daniel turned red. "It's shampoo."
"Huh, huh," Jack replied, amused by Daniel's discomfit. "Trying a new brand? Eau de repellent?"
"Do you think we could just drop it?" Daniel asked plaintively, suddenly aware that Teal'c had wandered round the plane to get within sniffing distance of him.
"Sure," Jack replied. "Don't get all scratchy about it."
"Very funny," Daniel retorted.
"I don't find the aroma unpleasant," Teal'c commented taking a deep breath. "On Chulak we have an animal called the Macam that emits a similar smell when in heat. There are some that say the perfume is quite..."
"Thank you, Teal'c!" Daniel interrupted quickly moving away from the Jaffa. "So the plane. How's it going?"
"Oh fine," Jack replied. "It's just that Sam is trying to push the performance up another half percent. You know Carter, always nit-picking at something."
"Jack!" Daniel wailed.
"What?" Jack said innocently.
Four days later Daniel was still turning up to the infirmary every morning. "Fascinating," Janet said peering at his head. "These lice seem to be able to hatch and breed within 12 hours. And they're resistance to chemicals is..."
"No Janet, it is not fascinating. None of your lotions have worked. These damn things are still breeding in my hair. And what's worse, no one will come anywhere near me. Jack has taken to wearing a gas mask whenever I walk into the room. And Sam has started hiding air fresheners around the labs."
"Well," Janet paused thoughtfully. " The eggs seem to be attached to the hair shaft about half an inch above your scalp. So I do have one thing that I guarantee will work."
Daniel groaned. Janet had been promising him something that would work every morning. "And how bad does this lotion smell?"
"Oh it isn't a lotion," Janet said moving to an equipment tray. "It's these." She held a pair of sharp steel scissors aloft.
Daniel stared at the scissors and swallowed hard.
Twenty minutes later a very different looking Daniel Jackson stood up and brushed himself off. He watched as Dr Frasier gathered up his shorn locks and secured them in a bag labelled, 'Contaminated Medical Material - For Incineration.'
Daniel moved over to the medical cabinet and peered at his new reflection in the mirrored door.
"Well?" Janet asked.
Daniel touched his ears gingerly. "Not bad. I didn't know hairdressing was a skill of yours."
Janet grinned. "I dated a hairdresser a couple of months ago. Didn't you notice the frequent change in my style?"
"Uh, no. Sorry." Daniel moved away from the mirror. "And you're sure that's done the trick?"
"Absolutely," Janet replied. "Half an inch all over. This time I really do promise."
"Good." Daniel took a deep breath and headed out to face the ribbing of his team-mates.
Janet gazed at the bag in her hand and sighed. If she'd had trouble with her nursing staff falling for Daniel Jackson before, now she was going to have twice as much hassle. Somehow that new cut just made those beautiful blue eyes even more appealing. She sighed again at the thought and suddenly realised what she was doing. Nurses nothing, Frasier, she admonished herself. Physician heal yourself!
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