An untold tale from the Diary of Dr Daniel Jackson
All publicly recognisable characters and places are the property of MGM, World Gekko Corp and Double Secret Productions. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognised characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.
This story is rated PG13 and falls into the category of humour and is a missing scene for Urgo. I just couldn't resist playing about with this one, especially after a group of us were discussing just how the show had missed the chance to explore one or two other senses. Enjoy!
Thanks to as always to Ellen for beta reading, also to Cindee for gently nagging, and Gill'k for the loan of her laptop. Writing fic in a convention hall while waiting for Amanda Tapping to turn up was weird, especially as I was working on the Sam scene at the time!
No way was I going to admit to hearing voices after that little Marchello episode, but when the others confessed to each other I figured it was OK to do so with them. And Urgo is a far cry from that goa'uld killing device that nearly drove be nuts. In fact he even has some good points. After all, I never figured I'd look forward to mealtimes on base - normally the food is barely edible, but with Urgo - it's like a gastronomic feast every time. And the coffee! Boy! It's almost to die for! The problem is, he just never shuts up. And even though I know the whole team is infected, I still feel uneasy when people give me those weird looks because I'm *apparently* talking to myself again...
"Oh I love this place," Urgo said, bouncing around the infirmary like an over-excited five year old. "All these wonderful switches and knobs."
Daniel released a long sigh. This was proving to be a very wearing day. Urgo had trailed the team through endless meetings, and he had only managed to escape by burying himself in a particularly tricky piece of translation. When Daniel had repeated the same phrase over in his head for the fortieth time, Urgo had declared him to be the dullest inhabitant on the planet and flounced off in search of excitement with Jack.
Now though, Daniel had been summoned back to the infirmary for another batch of Janet's tortuous tests. He had barely set foot in the door before the computer-generated alien had appeared at his side like a particularly bad penny.
Where was Janet? Daniel desperately wanted to get this over and done with so he could escape back to the sanctuary of his office. He glanced up hopefully as the door opened, but it was only one of Janet's nurses. She smiled warmly at him and then moved towards a drug cabinet at the far end of the infirmary, apparently intent on stock-taking.
Daniel jumped as Urgo crept up behind him and shouted Boo! in his ear, roaring with laughter at the prank. "Don't do that!" he complained out loud, forgetting his promise to himself that he wouldn't speak to Urgo other than in the presence of another member of SG1. No way was he going to give McKenzie a second chance to treat him to his unique brand of hospitality.
"Sorry Doctor Jackson?" The nurse turned towards him, her face confused.
Daniel realised he was wagging a finger at thin air and self-consciously lowered his hand. "Oh... errr.. nothing. Sorry. I..."
The nurse smiled sympathetically. "It's alright, Dr Jackson. All the medical staff have been briefed about your... visitor. You can talk all you want - don't mind me."
"Great," Daniel muttered, as she turned away. "Another episode of apparent insanity on my file. I might as well totally sign my life over to the military while I'm still on the payroll. No one else will ever touch me."
Urgo meanwhile had wandered over to the nurse and was peering intently at the young woman's face. "Fascinating," he declared.
"Urgo!" Daniel hissed. "What are you doing?"
"Observing." Urgo continued to study the nurse who was blissfully unaware of the face barely six inches from her own. He turned towards Daniel. "Did you notice how she looked at you when she came in?"
"No," Daniel replied irritably, trying to keep his voice low.
Urgo raised an eyebrow in exactly the same way Jack did when he was demonstrating his scepticism at some comment of Daniel's.
Daniel sighed. "OK. OK." He studied the back of the nurse, who was studiously ignoring him, and mumbled as quietly as he could. "There was a smile."
Urgo nodded. "But there was something different about it..."
"A smile is a just a smile," Daniel retorted, somewhat louder.
"I don't think so," Urgo replied, his tone a sing-song. He stepped even closer to the nurse, his nose virtually touching hers. "Her pupils are dilated too. Ahhhhh!" He spun around to face Daniel, wagging a finger at the archaeologist. "Gave yourself away, Doctor. You know you can't hide your thoughts from me. So... she's attracted to you."
"Oh God!" Daniel groaned, wishing for the hundredth time that day he didn't have some alien mind-reader in his brain.
"And..." Urgo's smile widened. Dr Jackson! I didn't think you were the sort to go for black stockings." He bounced back to Daniel's side. "Why don't you kiss her?"
"Oh go on. You know you want too. And she'd love it. Look at her, pretending to work but sneaking looks at you in the glass there."
"No!" Daniel repeated, adding somewhat more forcibly than he intended, "I don't want to kiss her!" He put his head in his hands and groaned silently as the nurse visibly straightened her back, her head turning like a radar. Oh great! She'd obviously heard *that* comment. Now he was in trouble whatever he did.
"Liar!" Urgo accused, before adopting a wheedling tone. "Oh, go on! Just a little one. I want to know what it feels like."
"Spoilsport. Where's the harm?" He leaned closer to Daniel. "You know a man can only go so long without..."
"Stop it!" Daniel protested.
"OK! Geez, so touchy!" Urgo spun away humming softly to himself.
Daniel glared at him for a moment, before taking deep breath, and deliberately concentrating on the fire alarm notice on the wall in front of him.
Five blissfully silent minutes passed, and Daniel began to relax again, his mind drifting back to the translation he was working on.
*Just look at those legs. That's all I ask. Just the legs.*
Black stockings. Huh! Urgo was way off with that one. He *did not* have a thing about stockings - black or otherwise. OK, so she had nice legs. Shapely. Looked like she worked out.
*Shapely? Come on - she a stunner.*
Come to think about it she was kind of attractive. A warm smile - genuinely sympathetic. And that red hair, what a fabulous colour - never dated a red head...
"Shame it's all pinned up like that.*
Wonder what it would look like loose around her shoulders? Always liked long hair.
*You could just pull that pin loose. Watch it tumble.*
Look at that. If I just pull at that pin there, it would probably all fall free.
*Wait! Wait! Look at those lips. Tell me they don't demand to be kissed. Go on. You know you want to. And you're so close now. All you have to do is reach out and touch her. Warm skin next to yours. Her perfume filling your senses. The feel of her body melting into yours.*
"Woah!" Daniel took a startled step backwards as he suddenly realised he'd not only crossed the infirmary, he'd actually placed his hand on the nurse's shoulder, intent on turning her towards him. "Oh God!" He pulled himself together hastily. "I... err..." He reversed another step and made a second horrifying discovery.
"Fascinating reaction," Urgo chortled at his side.
The nurse was looking at Daniel with a somewhat puzzled expression. "Dr Jackson? Do you want something?"
Daniel all but slapped himself as his hand flew to his face to stop Urgo's supposedly seductive words escaping from his mouth. Quickly he blurted, "No! No! I... I don't want anything."
Actually he knew exactly what he wanted. Or rather what Urgo had made him want. But this was neither the time nor the place. Or for that matter - the right person. "I have to..." he waved at the infirmary door, and began to walk towards it as quickly as he could.
"But Doctor Jackson," the nurse called after him. "Dr Fraiser is expecting you. I really think you ought to stay..."
"No! Not a good idea. Errr... tell her..." Daniel paused, totally lost for words.
"Something's come up?" Urgo offered innocently.
Daniel made a strangled noise, glared at the alien and then fled the infirmary.
Jack had been messing around with a basketball for the past 30 minutes, trying to work off some excess energy - he really shouldn't have eaten all those deserts, way too much sugar in his bloodstream - but if anything, the exertion had made matters worse. Now he didn't feel just pent-up from being off duty, he felt downright - frustrated.
As the ball shot through the net for the fiftieth time, he drew in a sharp breath, suddenly realising the true source of his tension. Great! He really, really hoped the rest of SG1 weren't picking up this particular physical urge. Having them all drawn to eat pie with him was one thing, but...
He gave the security camera a glare - fine time to have zero privacy - and then ran a hand through his hair. He had to do *something*.
Retrieving the ball from the far corner of his room, he spotted his boxing gloves. Perfect! Thirty minutes of dodging Teal'c in the sparring ring would leave him too exhausted to think about *anything*.
Rounding up Teal'c proved easy. In fact, it was too easy. The Jaffa welcomed the idea with unusual alacrity.
"I seem to be finding Kel Noreem difficult to achieve," Teal'c said, virtually jumping to his feet at Jack's invitation to spar.
Jack swallowed down his surprise. The Jaffa couldn't be feeling the same way, could he? Of course, Teal'c was a married man, he obviously had perfectly normal *urges* too, but... Jack cut off the train of thought. There were some things he really didn't need to know about his team.
"Sugar rush?" he asked, looking at Teal'c in a way he knew would demand agreement. "Too many deserts."
Teal'c gave him an odd look and then inclined his head. "Indeed O'Neill. Too many deserts has a very strange effect on the body."
Within minutes, the two men were in the locker room changing into sweat pants and tank tops. Jack glanced up from lacing his shoes as the door opened and Daniel literally ran into the room, a pained expression on his face.
"Daniel?" Jack asked in concern as the archaeologist swept past him, heading for the showers.
"Daniel Jackson appears... distracted, O'Neill," Teal'c commented, his gaze following the archaeologist.
"Ya think?" Frowning Jack walked towards the shower room, picking up various items of discarded clothing. Jacket, T-shirt, boots, pants... He reached the far cubicle just as a pair of bright blue boxers were launched over the door. The sound of a tap being turned precede the noise of water gushing at full force.
"Daniel? Are you OK?"
"Fine!" Daniel's voice was a good two tones higher than usual.
As Jack turned he suddenly found himself face to face with Urgo. "Geez! Don't do that!" He peered at Urgo and then added, "Are you shivering?"
Urgo nodded and wrapped his arms dramatically around his body, his teeth beginning to chatter noisily. "Y...yy..es. Doctor Jackson... ppp..ppp.llease, j..jj.just a... l..l..little warmer would be... nice."
Jack frowned at Urgo, his mind ticking through the elements of this bizarre scenario. Suddenly everything clicked into place. "Urgo - you wouldn't happen to know why Daniel is having a *cold* shower?"
The alien glanced nervously at the cubicle door. "No! Why should I know?" he said quickly. "He began to act strange in the infirmary." He tapped his head. "I think maybe his software is malfunctioning."
"Urgo!" Jack said severely. "What have you done to Daniel? The truth now."
Urgo looked sheepish. "I just wanted to help him out. I mean - he's been on his own for so long. And there was this really pretty nurse. I figured if I got them together..." His tone turned into a whine. "I just wanted to see what it would be like when they..."
"No!" Jack said quickly. "No seeing!" He glanced towards the cubicle door realising not only did he now feel cold, but his own physical urges were fast disappearing. Oh boy! So much for worrying about the team picking up on his feelings - he was picking up Daniel's! Geez! Well this put a whole new slant on shared experiences being good for team building!
Jack turned back to Urgo, his tone as icy as the water splashing out of Daniel's cubicle. "And no more suggestive suggestions! And no more messing with our brains! Do you understand?!"
Urgo nodded, looking suitably contrite, before ruining it all by adding quietly, "I could get you a pretty nurse too. Oh maybe Doctor Fraiser. I know you think she's..."
"No!" Jack said, wishing he could wipe the hopeful smile right off that round, irritating, in-his-damn-head face. "No! No! No!"
Urgo's face fell. "You guys are no fun." He turned to Teal'c "Kel Noreem? Bah! Where's the fun in sitting on a hard floor gazing at a candle? And cold showers? Come on, Doctor Jackson, you thought pumpkin pie tasted good with me in your head. Just imagine..."
A loud groan escaped from the shower cubicle. "Jack! Please! Shut him up!"
"Urgo! I'm warning you!"
Urgo pouted. "Just what does it take to get you guys to live a little?"
"We were living just fine before you came along," Jack said between clenched teeth. "Now butt out!"
"Men!" Urgo said with a toss of his head, and vanished into thin air.
"Men?" Jack echoed.
Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "If I am not mistaken, O'Neill, that tone of voice was very reminiscent of Major Carter."
Jack's eyes widened. "Oh God! Carter! Daniel, get out of that shower, now. We've got a rescue mission on our hands."
Sam Carter was finding it really difficult to concentrate on the piece of electronic equipment in front of her. All she had to do was rewire the configuration, boost up the performance by 5%, and then macgyver a new connection, but for some reason her mind just kept wandering to her co-worker.
Damn it! What was the matter with her? OK, so Graham Simmons was cute, and his puppy-dog adoration of her had never been an irritation. In fact, she'd been quite flattered. But she had never, never considered reciprocating his attentions. Now however she couldn't seem to drag her eyes away from his hands. Why had she never noticed just how attractive they were? Long expressive fingers hinting at both strength and tenderness. Just the sort of fingers that could deliver a perfect back rub.
Woah! OK, where did that thought come from? Electronics. She had to concentrate on the electronics.
She drew in a long breath and realised Simmons was watching her, a puzzled expression on his face. She smiled quickly and glanced down, only to look up again right away. She'd never realised he had that little curl of hair at the nape of his neck. Guess he normally kept his hair a lot shorter. Boy, that was just way too cute. And that curl would fit just perfectly around her little finger.
Stop it! Concentrate on the damn electronics. She picked up a piece of wire and immediately noted it curled in exactly the same way as his hair. Absentmindedly she wrapped it around her finger, wondering how different a lock of hair would feel. Softer definitely. Softer and silkier. And maybe smelling of a mixture of spice and musk. That manly smell that was so...
Sam glanced up and felt heat rise up her neck. "Uh? Sorry?"
Simmons gazed back at her his expression now one of concern. "Are you OK, Major? You seem a bit... distracted."
Distracted? Oh yes, she was distracted. Did he have to smile at her like that? And his uniform? Didn't he realise just how close it hugged his butt. Any minute now she was going to have to get up and plant a kiss right on the back of that damn sexy neck.
"I'm fine!" Sam catapulted the word across the room, snatched up the nearest tool and quickly began to unscrew the cover of the electronic gadget in front of her.
Damn, why wouldn't he just shut up. That voice was running up and down her spine like velvet. "Yes?" Oh boy, that came out like a squeak - now she sounded like a teenager desperately hoping for a first date.
Simmons licked his lips nervously, and nodded towards the equipment Sam was attacking. "Aren't you supposed to be putting that component together? Not taking it apart?"
Sam peered at the box in front of her, suddenly realizing what she was doing. She gave a quick embarrassed smile. "Yes! Right! Thank you, Lieutenant." She set down her screwdriver and pulled in another deep breath. OK, she really had to do something about what was going on. Or more to the point, what she was feeling. If she didn't she had a nasty feeling Graham Simmons was about to have one of his greatest fantasies become reality.
Daniel caught the towel Jack tossed him and hastily began to dry off. "What's the panic?"
"Carter is working with Simmons down in the science lab." Jack raised his eyebrows meaningfully.
Daniel frowned as he retrieved his clothes. "And?"
Jack shook his head, his tone making it scathingly apparent he considered Daniel was being particularly dense. "And they're alone."
Which he was. Because he still didn't see what Jack was so bothered about.
Jack's voice sharpened with irritation. "Daniel! You've just had a cold shower! Teal'c and I were going to beat the crap out of each other in the sparring ring." He tapped at the side of his head. "What we feel, Carter feels! Right!"
"Oh!" Daniel's mouth fell open as his brain finally engaged. He snatched up his shirt and shrugged it on as he headed towards the door, almost tripping over his undone boot laces as he went.
Moments later the male members of SG1 arrived outside the science lab. Daniel paused, one hand on the door handle.
"What are you waiting for?" Jack hissed, almost cannoning into Daniel's back.
Daniel turned to him with an embarrassed look. "What if they're..."
The sound of Carter's voice drifted into the corridor, her tone sounding all too appreciative. "Oh! That is so wonderful."
For a long moment the three men looked at each other.
"Major Carter may not be herself," Teal'c finally said. "It is our duty to protect her from Urgo's influence."
"Right!" Daniel said, his hand still motionless.
Jack gave an impatient sigh. "Just open the damn door, Daniel!"
"Err... OK." Daniel's tone was less than certain. He pulled in a sharp breath, glanced at Jack and rapped loudly on the frosted glass before pushing the door open.
"Daniel?" Sam looked up, her face surprised. "What's with the knocking?"
He peered around the room uncertainly. Sam was sitting at one of the workbenches, surrounded by electronic paraphernalia and what looked like a large heap of silver foil. Graham Simmons, he was relieved to see, was at the far end of the lab, clearly engrossed in a similar task.
"Daniel!" Jack shoved him none too gently as he elbowed his way through the doorway. "Carter, are you OK?"
"Colonel? Teal'c?" Sam's expression moved towards puzzlement. "Yes, I'm fine. Shouldn't I be?" Her gaze went back to Daniel. "Why are you all wet?"
"He just got out of the shower," Jack said, before pointedly adding. "A very cold shower!"
"Jack!" Daniel complained mortified, as he saw Simmons smirk. "You don't have to broadcast it to everyone!"
"Ahhh!" Sam smiled sympathetically at the embarrassed archaeologist. "That explains why I thought it got really chilly in a here a few moments ago."
"You did?" Daniel asked. "Good." He glanced at Jack. "That is good, isn't it?"
Jack ignored him, turning instead to Simmons. "Would you excuse us please, Lieutenant."
"Yes, Sir." Shooting Daniel a knowing look, Simmons hurried from the room.
Jack glanced around. "Urgo! You can stop hiding now!"
Nothing. The lab remained an oasis of calm.
Jack shrugged and turned back to Sam. "Carter, presumably if you were tuned into our temperature control here," his left hand waved vaguely in Daniel's direction, causing the archaeologist to frown, "you were tuned into things before then." His gaze wandered to some point in the distance just to the left of Carter. "We were just worried about your..."
"Virtue?" Sam offered, as he hesitated. She gave an inscrutable smile and began to pack up her equipment.
Daniel licked his lips, wishing there was a large hole he could just bury himself in. "I think that pretty much describes it."
Sam's smile widened. "Guys, I appreciate your concern. But I can handle Urgo and his suggestions." She stepped towards a closet, pulled open the door and revealed the unwanted addition to SG1. "You can come out now," she said.
Urgo gave a small wave towards the men. "Don't be mad at me," he simpered. "I didn't mean to embarrass you all."
Daniel glared at him. "You may not have meant to..."
"I didn't embarrass Sam," Urgo offered.
"Apparently not," Daniel said slowly. He tilted his head in Sam's direction, his expression questioning.
In response she moved back to her workbench and shoved the last few things off the surface and into a drawer before scooping up the pile of foil and tossing it into the trash. She hesitated for one moment before retrieving a rectangular object slightly larger than her hand and about half an inch thick. Daniel just caught a glimpse of red paper and silver foil as she stepped past him.
Just as she reached the door, she turned towards her teammates and tossed the item towards them, still grinning as Jack's fast reflexes took over, enabling him to catch it before hit the floor at their feet.
With a smug expression, she coolly suggested, "Next time Urgo decides to play with your hormones *boys* you might want to try that!" She glanced towards the alien. "Are you with me or what?"
Urgo looked at the furious faces of the men and hurried towards her. "Can we really play Space Invaders?" he asked excitedly.
"Yes, but just one game!" Sam replied, heading quickly through the door with Urgo in tow.
"What is it?" Daniel demanded, as the pair hurried away.
Jack turned the object over and groaned.
"What?!" Daniel demanded more impatiently.
In response, Jack held the object up so Daniel could see.
Three male voices chorused as one.
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